Week 09 · The end of self-defense
Meekness
Read together: Philippians 2:1-11
Also read: Matthew 11:28-30 · James 4:6-10
Meekness is not thinking badly of yourself. It is not needing to defend yourself, because your worth is settled somewhere safe.
The heart of it
Paul says do nothing through strife or vainglory, but in lowliness of mind esteem others better than yourselves, and look on the things of others. Almost every argument in a marriage is a contest for position. Meekness is stepping out of the contest.
Then the great passage: Christ, being God, made Himself of no reputation, took the form of a servant, became obedient to death. He had every right and used none of them. He is the only person who ever had a reputation worth defending and He laid it down.
God exalted Him. That order never changes: down, then up. A husband or wife who insists on being understood, credited, and vindicated in every exchange will get neither peace nor honor. The one who lays it down gets both, usually later.
What to notice
- Esteem others better is a decision about how to treat someone, not a false belief about yourself.
- Christ's obedience is described as going all the way to death.
- Look also on the things of others means the other person's concerns become your business.
- The exaltation is God's job, not ours.
Talk together
- 1In our arguments, what am I usually defending — the truth, or my position?
- 2Where do I need to be right more than I need us to be well?
- 3What is one of your concerns that I have treated as not my business?
- 4When did you last see me apologize without a but attached?
- 5What is one right I could lay down this week for your sake?
Your own journal
Answer these on your own during the week. They are yours; you are never required to read them out loud.
1. What reputation am I protecting inside my own marriage?
2. Write an honest apology to your spouse with no explanation or defense in it.
3. Where has pride shaped the last month of our life together?
4. What is my spouse carrying that I have not bothered to look at?
5. Ask God to humble you gently rather than the hard way.
This week's challenge
Apologize this week for one thing, fully, with no explanation, no timing excuse, and no reference to what the other did.
"Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves."
Philippians 2:3
Pray together
Ask God to take away the need to defend yourselves, and to give you His mind toward each other.
Next week: Temperance