Week 06 · Strength that handles a person carefully
Gentleness
Read together: 1 Peter 3:1-12
Also read: Proverbs 15:1 · Isaiah 42:3
Gentleness is not weakness. It is strength that knows how much force a person can take, and uses less.
The heart of it
Peter speaks to wives about a meek and quiet spirit which is not cheap in God's sight, and to husbands about dwelling with their wives according to knowledge and giving honour. Dwelling according to knowledge means learning this particular person: what wounds her, what steadies her, what she carries that she has never said.
Then a sobering line: so that your prayers be not hindered. How a husband treats his wife affects his prayer life. God takes the way you speak to her at the end of a long day seriously enough to let it interrupt your relationship with Him.
The paragraph ends with be all of one mind, having compassion, be courteous, not rendering railing for railing but blessing instead. Gentleness in a marriage is mostly a matter of tone and timing, and both of those are choices.
What to notice
- The adorning God notices is a spirit, not an appearance.
- Honour is something a husband gives, not something a wife earns.
- Heirs together of the grace of life puts them side by side, facing the same direction.
- Blessing is commanded as the response to being wronged.
Talk together
- 1How does my tone land on you when I am tired? Say it plainly.
- 2What is something about you I still do not understand well after all this time?
- 3Where do I use force — volume, silence, logic, sarcasm — to win?
- 4Husband: what does honouring your wife look like this week in something concrete? Wife: same question about honouring your husband.
- 5What is the most gentle thing the other has ever done for you?
Your own journal
Answer these on your own during the week. They are yours; you are never required to read them out loud.
1. Write down the last three things I said to my spouse in frustration. Would I say them to a guest?
2. What am I harsh about, and what is underneath the harshness?
3. Where am I asking my spouse to be strong because I do not want to be careful?
4. What have I learned about my spouse in the last year? If nothing, why not?
5. Ask God for gentleness in one specific recurring moment of your week.
This week's challenge
For one week, before you correct your spouse about anything, wait until the next day. If it still matters, say it kindly and in private.
"A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger."
Proverbs 15:1
Pray together
Ask God to soften your tone and to show each of you one place where you have been careless with the other.
Next week: Goodness