Love That Stays

The heart of it

John's argument is simple and hard: love comes from God, so anyone who loves has been born of God. He does not begin with our love for each other; he begins with God's love for us while we were far off. You cannot pour out what you have not received. Many husbands and wives are trying to be generous out of an empty tank.

Then the test: if a man says he loves God and does not love his brother, he is lying. The nearest brother, the nearest sister, is the one asleep beside you. Your marriage is where your claim to know God is tested first, before any church committee ever sees you.

Perfect love casts out fear. Where there is fear in a marriage — fear of being found out, fear of the reaction, fear of being unwanted — love has room to grow. Not tolerance of what is wrong, but a love safe enough for the truth to be told in.

What to notice

• Love here is a decision God made about us first, not an emotion He felt about us.
• Fear and love are opposites in this passage, not fear and courage.
• God's love is described as being made perfect, complete, in us. It grows.
• The commandment ends the chapter: love God, love your brother. There is no third option.

Talk together

1. 1When have you felt most loved by me? Do not guess for the other; say your own answer.
2. 2Is there any fear between us right now — of a reaction, of being judged, of being turned away?
3. 3Where am I loving you in ways that cost me nothing?
4. 4What is one way we could love someone outside this house together this month?
5. 5How would you know if I had stopped receiving God's love?

Pray together

Ask God to make His love complete in each of you, and to drive fear out of your home.